My brother lived a simple yet full life.. but at the same time he was in the lingering shadow of depression (for over 20 years). I felt the need to share his story – the courage and strength it took him to carve out yet a meaningful life. (And) the unwavering devotion one’s family endures with a love that is tested every day and wins every day – through God’s grace, love triumphs over pain. 🤍🙏.
Here’s the full draft I spoke during the service…
________________________________________________________
Una sa lahat, alam kong ayaw niya ng mga ganitong speeches or drama, i know how much you value your privacy, pero sorry bro, wala ka nang magagawa ngayon. I just wanted the people here know how you lived your life – to perhaps touch them and learn from. I’m keeping this light, and sharing in Taglish.
Benedick—o Bobit, as the family call him—was the light and laughter of our home, sya lang yung mana kay Daddy.
He was born at Fabella Hospital in October 1977. Sickly siya noong baby—sobrang payat. Sabi ni Mommy, parang may korona sya sa ulo. Sabi naman ni Daddy, iyak niya parang mahinang biik—“uhh uhh.” They tried every kind of milk, pero wala. Until they gave him “Am”—rice water. Finally, he drank it. That simple drink mirrored his life: simple, hindi maluho, and never a burden.
Earliest memory ko kay Bobit? Iyakin, makulit, laging napapalo, minsan pa nga nasilid sa sako ng ninong niya! When our parents left for Saudi, magkakahiwalay kaming magkakapatid. One time, umuwi ako, nakita ko siya—he’s just staring at me blankly. Doon ko una naramdaman na sana lagi kami magkakasama – I had to reintroduce na kapatid nya ko, tapos niyakap ako nyan umiiyak..sa aming tatlo sya talaga yung malambing.
He was all over the place—malikot, madaldal, maingay, maraming nababasag. Wala ngang natirang vase sa bahay. Ilang beses nasugatan, nahulog sa kanal, nawala at nakita nila na umakyat pala sa bubong. Muntik masunog ang bahay bigla nya hinugot ang gas hose habang nagluluto si Mommy. Buti na lang naagapan ni Momi.
Isang taon lang ang agwat namin pero for a long time mas maliit sya sa amin ni Kuya Jo, so it really felt na mas bata sya sa amin. At gaya ng lahat ng bunso laging utusan namin sya, pabili sa tindahan, pag may inutos samin si momi pinapasa namin sa kanya, pag may kasalanan din kami, pinapasa din namin sa kanya LOL tagabuhat, at designated kasama ni momi – ni minsan di sya umangal. Pero lagi namin sya pinoprotektahan, naalala ko pa binilin sya ni momi na icheck sya nung bago sya sa school.
Sa Tondo, typical street kid—naglalaro ng kung ano ang uso – patusan, saranggola, taya-taya (tag), trumpo, yoyo, gagamba, salagubang, boomerang. Pero walang tatalo sa kanya sa mga takbuhan. One time pa nga sa Bulacan, hinabol kami ng baka, ofcourse siya ang nauna sa amin.
School? Hmm. Next question. Haha. Religion at PE lang talaga ang line of 80s sa kanya. Pero kagandahan sa kanya, never siyang napasama sa masamang barkada nor anumang bisyo. He didn’t go to college (finances), but he proudly finished Industrial Electronics sa Don Bosco. He even learned programming sa AMA — and I was so proud of him
Sabi ni Mommy, noong una akong pumunta sa US at si Kuya Jo naman nasa seminaryo, sina momi at dadi both working, naiwan siyang mag-isa. Umiiyak daw siya. I think that’s when he truly felt alone or was left out.
When our parents migrated here in the, kami na lang dalawa. Sabi ko, “Tayo na lang, magtulungan tayo.” First week pa lang, nagkasakit na siya. I told him, “Tayo ka, inom ka gamot.” Pag-uwi ko—okay na siya. That’s when I knew—we’d be okay.
We would normally have our Spontaneous trips like sa spelunking sa Sumaguing caves in Sagada, hiking the muddy rice terraces of Banaue, sleeping on the white beaches of Mindoro, wandering the sand dunes of Ilocos, heritage walks in Vigan, exploring the underground river of palawan or seeing sea snakes in el nido. We chased the best street food: frog legs, horse tapa, crocodile sisig, tamilok, dinuguan pizza. We were karaoke regulars, live bands, concerts, movies, PBA/basketball games, WWE, and BLIMS massage addicts.
I remember one night in Sagada, nag-night terror ako. Ginising niya ako agad. Kinaumagahan, sabi niya, “Kuya, nakakahiya ka. Wag ka na lang magsalita pag tinanong tayo!” Sabay tawa.
Sa sine o anuman palabas, lagi sya nagtatanong anong nangyari o anu ibig sabihin dahil di nya maintindihan, o magets ung plot. Ako naman sagot ng sagot o ini-explain sa kanya.. Hanggang makahata na ako na sinasadya na lang nya at nakangiti..
Magsasabi yang ng isang bagay na alam nya ikakainis ko, ako naman inis na inis tapos malalaman ko nakangiti na lang sya – nangaasar.
He loves gore, scary movies. He believes in UFOs, aliens and conspiracy theories.
BUT he was prayerful and deep faith in God, he would join in my churches and would listen sa pastors and we would discuss after the bible verses.. Hindi sya ung amen lang, he asks questions and would understand them on his own.
Napakamaprinsipyo, nung nag injure sya sa work at pinakuha ng disability ayaw pa nya nung una, di daw nya kailangan ng tulong mas kailangan daw ng iba yun.
He dreamed of having his own home and family and his independence. Rare siyang bumili ng gamit (explains his overly used shirts/jackets), but one thing he did spend on: his electronic gadgets. Hindi siya maluho maraming bagay, pero pag electronic gadgets like soldering iron/testers/batteries —nagkakainteres siya. Those little electronics lifted him up. Kahit may pinagdadaanan, makikita mong nakangiti habang nag-aayos ng kalan o nagpapalit ng settings ng appliance. I think tech gave him a sense of control, curiosity, and joy.
Nalulungkot ako pag sinasabi niyang nahihirapan sya makakuha ng work. I would ofcourse encourage him and keep him hopeful to just work hard and be positive.. I knew it eats him and I didnt know how to help him.. I’d pray, “Lord, wag na muna ako. Si Bobit muna ibless mo.”
He kept going. He worked in Dubai and Qatar. In fact, he traveled as much as I ever did to places I’ve never been to. He read a lot—science, history, geography and it proved later in his life na school grades did not reflect who he was, in fact he improved himself academically later.
He always wanted to go back home. And last year, he finally did. “Mas masaya sa Pinas,” he said. And it showed—reuniting with friends and relatives, enjoying his time there. But we could see his body failing.
We begged him to return. After his fourth dialysis, he said, “Bumalik lang pala ako sa America para magpa-ospital.” Still, in his pain, he worried about me missing work for him.
I’ll miss our away-bati—like sa Banaue, gutom na siya, ayaw ko pa tumigil. Or sa Sagada, nadulas siya sa pilapil, ako ang sinisi. After the fight, manonood na lang siya sa tabi ko, magko-comment sa palabas. Tapos ako rin—okay na kami. Ganyan kami.
He’d scold me if I skipped meals or overworked. Madalas kami magtalo, pero never niya ako sinaktan. He’d say, “Kuya kita. May respeto ako.” He was my best friend. Actually, my only true friend.
He loved his pamangkins—especially Shaira, who matched his energy. In fact si Shaira lang nga ang friend nya sa facebook.
Even in his bad days he would ask me kamusta na si momi at inihahabilin nya lagi sila sa akin.. Mi don’t blame yourself, God knows how much you loved and cared for Bobit, how much you sacrificed for him/ for all of us. That even on his last night you were with him, shown him how much you loved him.
Few months ago he has started his business and I knew he was really looking forward to it, since he spoke of it for years…
<DO I NEED TO TELL THIS PART OF HIS STORY???> What I have not shared was that when he was in his early 20’s he had major manic depression, it was the darkest phase in our family’s lives… and I recall as mom and i walked the dark corridors of the UST hospital I was so worried for my brother, i remember asking why it happened, bakit sya, san kami nagkamali o anung nagawa namin.. I couldnt focus at work, i recall sabi ni momi, “kailangan maging matatag tayo” More than a month have passed and doctor declared him cured (but be cautious it might return in the future) and I recall the first time he came home at nanuod kami ng sine, sobra kaba ko when he said magrest room lang sya, pero i was relieved when he came back.. From then on, I became overly protective of him from ‘triggers’ – I didn’t appreciate people talk bad about him, think of him less or differently… . there would be whispers/mumblings, mistrust/paranoia, hate/fear. Days where he was with us but we could not reach him. It wasn’t him. And in the next 20+ years he would have good and bad days.
I shared my brother’s story not to diminish him in any way, but in the hope that others might better understand the quiet strength it takes to live with that darkness —and the deep love it takes to support someone through it. My brother battled pain many couldn’t see, yet he still found ways to live a full and meaningful life. His strength was in his faith, endurance, perhaps us his family too, in a life he built despite the weight he carried. For families, loving someone through similar situation means showing up with patience, with quiet devotion, a love that is tested and wins everyday.
The other day, I asked God to tell me what to get from this story of my brother now he is gone.. “Love conquered pain. Just like the morning dew, His grace flows from heaven every single day” My brother is like a new child once again – filled with God’s love.
True to how he was as a baby who drank a simple ‘Am’ milk, my brother left us when he was asleep – simple, no fuss, on his own terms… Now, siya ang nasa spo trip —kasama this time si Daddy. I take comfort that he’s at peace. No worries, No pain, just endless adventures.
I know you’re watching over us and singing this Rivermaya song 214:
“The world could lie, and everything may die. Still, you shan’t cry
’Cause time may pass, and everything won’t last
I’ll be by your side… forever by your side.”
Bro. Mahal ka namin. And I’m so proud of you. You were never a burden. We are a family, we do what we do because we love the family.